It's just different flavors of Kool-Aid.
Oct. 1st, 2014 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coffeeteaandmeWhen I was a kid I was told over and over again that I didn't have to accept what was offered - if I didn't want to go to church I didn't have to; if I didn't want a toke of weed I didn't have to accept and it was cool; that if I didn't want to have sex I never ever had to; that I didn't have to have a beer just because everyone else was having one.
So I didn't - I didn't get up in Catholic School for confession - I've still never been. I didn't get up for Eucharist, I stayed in the pew. At my brother's parties I said no thanks to the joints which made me dizzy, and didn't drink beer, which tasted awful. And I wasn't interested in casual sex. And everyone said "that's cool", and I felt great about my choices.
But you know you're never going to be friends with those people. Because you're not toking when it comes around, you might give them up. Because you're not having a beer, you might be judging them and thinking they're lame because they can't relax without a drink. Because you're not kneeling and praying with them, you might try to point out how it's all bullshit.
Well, that was okay by me; what kind of friendship hinges on these things anyway?
Out of loneliness and curiosity I did go to my brother's parties sometimes and smoke weed, but I didn't get a very good impression of stoner culture - or maybe I did. In any case, I wasn't much interested in their company, since they didn't care if my brother beat me up in front of them, and since I was still not interested in sex I wasn't interesting to them either.
I did go to a Baptist church for awhile with a super-religious girl bent on saving my soul, but since she would only talk to me outside of school and carefully explained that while in school she had to act like she hated me so her friends wouldn't abandon her, I didn't get a really good impression of the way Christians acted either. By the time I was going to Catholic school I was pretty ok with the idea of just going for the education, which was the intention of my parents. I still didn't have any friends, and after awhile it became a bit of a deliberate thing. I was kind of waiting for other people I could relate to.
By the time I met a few people who liked reading and thinking, in high school, I had under-developed social skills and even less social standing, so we didn't get to be friends. The best I could do was some people who were going off to college the next year, so we conducted friendship on a limited, two-or-three visits a year kind of basis. But that's another story. My point is, I've never been interested in relationships that revolved around drinking, drugs or kneeling in the same place on Sunday (which is nothing at all like morality, ethics or philosophy, things I am all about putting in the spotlight.) Ironically, those were the only relationships that seemed to be available to me as a kid. That might make me feel slightly better about the whole no-friend thing.
See now that I'm older I have all kinds of friends who do all kinds of drugs, religions and drinks, and none of them care which of these things I'm into or not. Tolerance is learned, or maybe re-learned. I can't speak for other ages or other cultures, but here when we're kids we're just scared, and left to create our own social structure (SUCH a bad idea) they clump into cliques and that's pretty much it.
So I didn't - I didn't get up in Catholic School for confession - I've still never been. I didn't get up for Eucharist, I stayed in the pew. At my brother's parties I said no thanks to the joints which made me dizzy, and didn't drink beer, which tasted awful. And I wasn't interested in casual sex. And everyone said "that's cool", and I felt great about my choices.
But you know you're never going to be friends with those people. Because you're not toking when it comes around, you might give them up. Because you're not having a beer, you might be judging them and thinking they're lame because they can't relax without a drink. Because you're not kneeling and praying with them, you might try to point out how it's all bullshit.
Well, that was okay by me; what kind of friendship hinges on these things anyway?
Out of loneliness and curiosity I did go to my brother's parties sometimes and smoke weed, but I didn't get a very good impression of stoner culture - or maybe I did. In any case, I wasn't much interested in their company, since they didn't care if my brother beat me up in front of them, and since I was still not interested in sex I wasn't interesting to them either.
I did go to a Baptist church for awhile with a super-religious girl bent on saving my soul, but since she would only talk to me outside of school and carefully explained that while in school she had to act like she hated me so her friends wouldn't abandon her, I didn't get a really good impression of the way Christians acted either. By the time I was going to Catholic school I was pretty ok with the idea of just going for the education, which was the intention of my parents. I still didn't have any friends, and after awhile it became a bit of a deliberate thing. I was kind of waiting for other people I could relate to.
By the time I met a few people who liked reading and thinking, in high school, I had under-developed social skills and even less social standing, so we didn't get to be friends. The best I could do was some people who were going off to college the next year, so we conducted friendship on a limited, two-or-three visits a year kind of basis. But that's another story. My point is, I've never been interested in relationships that revolved around drinking, drugs or kneeling in the same place on Sunday (which is nothing at all like morality, ethics or philosophy, things I am all about putting in the spotlight.) Ironically, those were the only relationships that seemed to be available to me as a kid. That might make me feel slightly better about the whole no-friend thing.
See now that I'm older I have all kinds of friends who do all kinds of drugs, religions and drinks, and none of them care which of these things I'm into or not. Tolerance is learned, or maybe re-learned. I can't speak for other ages or other cultures, but here when we're kids we're just scared, and left to create our own social structure (SUCH a bad idea) they clump into cliques and that's pretty much it.
