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coffeeteaandme[When you see Spider in the icon, there are strong opinions to come. This one's about suicide & the media. Skip if you like, I promise not to be offended if you don't care]
I notice that a 13 year old in Texas shot himself this week. Like the poor kid who jumped off the George Washington Bridge a week ago, it was involved with hazing, and it made headlines. The spotlight eye of the media is turning (once again) to this issue. I'd like to think that all this attention being paid to the issue of teen suicide will improve the situation.
I'd like to, but - to paraphrase Louis Black - I have thoughts.
I can't help but notice a certain disconnect between how long teen suicide has gone on, and the way the media covers this suicide, as though this is a part of a trend that is either new, or recently worse than before. How long do you suppose we've been keeping statistics on suicide? I'll give you a hint: longer than the last week or two. If you add up just the figures from 1955 to now, suicide is the 3rd most common cause of death in people aged 15-24.
So is it worse now? Are we going through a sudden and/or recent increase in the rate of teen suicides, or suicide in general?
Here's what I got from the statistics at suicide.org(yes, there's a suicide.org. Derp.):
The suicide rate has decreased from the 1950-1980 rate of 13.2 (per 100,000) to the present rate of about 11.
The suicide rate for ages 5-24 (youth suicide) increased dramatically from 1950 to the early to mid 1990s but then began to decrease thereafter.
The suicide rate for ages 45-85+ [has] decreased significantly from 1950 to present.
So, no. We're not going through a sudden increase in suicides, and in fact youth suicides have decreased in the last 15 years.
So what's this media attention about?
It's about the media.
Which is to say, a particularly juicy story came up in the form of this poor college boy with a dick for a roommate, at around the same time that the media were finally sensing that the Islamic community center thing was blowing over, and needed something else to make headlines. Bam, the story is front page news, the issue is the Fear of the Month, and the American public has something else to talk and think about that's not what may be wrong in our own households, or what might be done about it.
Granted, I'd much rather see heightened national awareness about adolescent hazing than this puerile national discussion focused on a neighborhood issue in NYC. (I'd rather see an expose on toe-cheese than hear about the Islamic center any longer). But the fact is the only good thing likely to come out of this is that those two dipshits, Ravi and Wei, have a better chance of getting what's coming to them than they otherwise might. Not only for deciding that their idea of fun included secretly recording, then Youtub-ing a classmate having sex, but talking themselves into categorizing it as a harmless prank. What was intended, and what they did, was not only to destroy his privacy in the most deliberate and invasive way possible, but to lay bare in the same way his private struggle with his own social and sexual identity. What I'm saying is, and I really mean this, if those two don't come out of this scarred for life, something is seriously wrong with them.
That being said, I'd just as soon this wasn't such a big story. We're going to hear about teen suicide now. And hazing. And abuse. Yadda yadda yadda. And it's not going to make that much of a difference. You know what? Don't listen. Turn it off. Go into the kitchen. Make some tea. Go to a better place in your head. And think about the things you haven't been thinking about.
Think about why you don't want to talk to your kids about sex, even when you find porno magazines in the closet.
Think about why you and your spouse haven't had sex in 8 months.
Think about why your kid is on prescription medication for depression at 9 years old.
Think about why you don't want to go home just yet.
Think about how much your staying married has to do with love, and how much has to do with fear.
Think about whether you should really be rejecting your church because they're a little outside the box for your new mainstream job / neighborhood.
Think about why you've been snapping at your kids lately, and consider that it might not get better by itself.
Think about how you die a little inside every time you buy something you know you can't afford.
Go ahead and think about it. It's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. Do the opposite. Find a way to *think* about what can be better - use the part of our brains that knows the best thing to do about spilt milk is to sweep up the glass and grab a sponge, not slash our wrists with the glass.
Why do I suggest this as an alternative to watching stories about Tyler Clementi?
Problems don't get solved because we saw them on TV. People don't help their fellow man every day. You know what they do every day? Watch TV. Read books. Play games. Or talk about all of the above. The world doesn't get better because we watch the news, or even go to church. The world gets better when, once in awhile, we do that thing we try to avoid, because sometimes its hard, and sometimes it hurts. The world gets better when we think about what goes on right now, right here, in front of our eyes, head off our frustration with a little compassion, and do what we can do about it.
Okay, go.
I notice that a 13 year old in Texas shot himself this week. Like the poor kid who jumped off the George Washington Bridge a week ago, it was involved with hazing, and it made headlines. The spotlight eye of the media is turning (once again) to this issue. I'd like to think that all this attention being paid to the issue of teen suicide will improve the situation.
I'd like to, but - to paraphrase Louis Black - I have thoughts.
I can't help but notice a certain disconnect between how long teen suicide has gone on, and the way the media covers this suicide, as though this is a part of a trend that is either new, or recently worse than before. How long do you suppose we've been keeping statistics on suicide? I'll give you a hint: longer than the last week or two. If you add up just the figures from 1955 to now, suicide is the 3rd most common cause of death in people aged 15-24.
So is it worse now? Are we going through a sudden and/or recent increase in the rate of teen suicides, or suicide in general?
Here's what I got from the statistics at suicide.org(yes, there's a suicide.org. Derp.):
The suicide rate has decreased from the 1950-1980 rate of 13.2 (per 100,000) to the present rate of about 11.
The suicide rate for ages 5-24 (youth suicide) increased dramatically from 1950 to the early to mid 1990s but then began to decrease thereafter.
The suicide rate for ages 45-85+ [has] decreased significantly from 1950 to present.
So, no. We're not going through a sudden increase in suicides, and in fact youth suicides have decreased in the last 15 years.
So what's this media attention about?
It's about the media.
Which is to say, a particularly juicy story came up in the form of this poor college boy with a dick for a roommate, at around the same time that the media were finally sensing that the Islamic community center thing was blowing over, and needed something else to make headlines. Bam, the story is front page news, the issue is the Fear of the Month, and the American public has something else to talk and think about that's not what may be wrong in our own households, or what might be done about it.
Granted, I'd much rather see heightened national awareness about adolescent hazing than this puerile national discussion focused on a neighborhood issue in NYC. (I'd rather see an expose on toe-cheese than hear about the Islamic center any longer). But the fact is the only good thing likely to come out of this is that those two dipshits, Ravi and Wei, have a better chance of getting what's coming to them than they otherwise might. Not only for deciding that their idea of fun included secretly recording, then Youtub-ing a classmate having sex, but talking themselves into categorizing it as a harmless prank. What was intended, and what they did, was not only to destroy his privacy in the most deliberate and invasive way possible, but to lay bare in the same way his private struggle with his own social and sexual identity. What I'm saying is, and I really mean this, if those two don't come out of this scarred for life, something is seriously wrong with them.
That being said, I'd just as soon this wasn't such a big story. We're going to hear about teen suicide now. And hazing. And abuse. Yadda yadda yadda. And it's not going to make that much of a difference. You know what? Don't listen. Turn it off. Go into the kitchen. Make some tea. Go to a better place in your head. And think about the things you haven't been thinking about.
Think about why you don't want to talk to your kids about sex, even when you find porno magazines in the closet.
Think about why you and your spouse haven't had sex in 8 months.
Think about why your kid is on prescription medication for depression at 9 years old.
Think about why you don't want to go home just yet.
Think about how much your staying married has to do with love, and how much has to do with fear.
Think about whether you should really be rejecting your church because they're a little outside the box for your new mainstream job / neighborhood.
Think about why you've been snapping at your kids lately, and consider that it might not get better by itself.
Think about how you die a little inside every time you buy something you know you can't afford.
Go ahead and think about it. It's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. Do the opposite. Find a way to *think* about what can be better - use the part of our brains that knows the best thing to do about spilt milk is to sweep up the glass and grab a sponge, not slash our wrists with the glass.
Why do I suggest this as an alternative to watching stories about Tyler Clementi?
Problems don't get solved because we saw them on TV. People don't help their fellow man every day. You know what they do every day? Watch TV. Read books. Play games. Or talk about all of the above. The world doesn't get better because we watch the news, or even go to church. The world gets better when, once in awhile, we do that thing we try to avoid, because sometimes its hard, and sometimes it hurts. The world gets better when we think about what goes on right now, right here, in front of our eyes, head off our frustration with a little compassion, and do what we can do about it.
Okay, go.
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no subject
Date: 2010-10-08 03:08 pm (UTC)Personally, I'm not working to make things better for others because the media told me to. I've been working my entire adult life to show people "it gets better" because somebody told ME, years and years ago, that it gets better, exactly when I really needed to hear that, and I have been trying to pass that gift along to those who need to hear that message, every bloody chance I get.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-08 04:31 pm (UTC)Yeah! That's what *I'm* talkin' about, sistah! :D
I had cause a year ago to call up my two aunts and tell them, once again, in case they forgot, that when they physically sat me down and said, really really, this isn't the way it will always be, it will actually get better, it made the hugest difference in my life. To my surprise, they choked up a bit. Maybe they thought I'd forgotten. I love Tim Gunn and all doing those videos to teens to say it gets better, because I know they feel it, and want to share that, and as much as that can mean to someone watching, gay or straight, it means more coming from friends or family. I hope it does.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-10 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-12 06:25 pm (UTC)