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coffeeteaandmeDo I have a bumper sticker on my cart that says, "How's My Shopping? Call 1-800-GET-A-LIFE" ?
Maybe I should.
I'm not going to get into details, but when I shop, I occasionally walk away from my cart to get things. This is deliberate and considered, the act of an experienced shopper rather than a beginner. Because of a host of factors both psychological and historical that I won't go into, I have my own system of protecting my purse involving staying alert, making eye contact with people nearby, and not presenting a target (not to mention buckling my purse securely into my basket). I'm not saying it's better than constantly holding it clutched to my bosom, but it has worked flawlessly for me for over thirty five years, and among other things allows me the freedom to step away from my basket for a moment, depending on what else is happening in the store around me. I realize this is not what conventional wisdom recommends, but what I do has always worked for me, and for the longest time, amazingly, nobody has seemed to mind. Certainly no one would consider walking up to me and, without preamble, lecturing me on how I should treat my own things. But in the last five years perfect strangers have been doing just that, as though suddenly consumed by this new discovery that sometimes people steal purses.
The problem I'm talking about is not perfectly polite people who have said "I'm concerned for your purse", but people who, without even an attempt to be polite, start telling a perfect stranger how to act. What disturbs me most is the stern and imperious tone of these strangers, very absent of any air of helpfulness, but very much in the manner of people who will be quite offended if they don't see a marked improvement demonstrated forthwith.
A woman behind me in the checkout line got positively adamant because I was standing in front of my cart while paying my grocery bill, my poor little bag left helpless to her critical eye, and interrupted my transaction for a lengthy slice of her mind. "I could steal your purse!" she scolded me, loudly. Now, as I already knew, this was very much not the case, as she was blocked by several carts behind her, and me in front of her. I realize that if I'd told her this she'd have said that wasn't her point - but I rather wonder why it wasn't.
To quote an extreme example, last fall in North Carolina a pair of old biddies sidled up to me in an aisle and *hissed* their warning at me. Yes, hissed: embarrassingly audible by the only other person in the aisle: a black man, who was in fact across the aisle shopping next to my purse. He was in a leg cast, had a large dressing over one eye, and was obviously post-op. I looked at him apologetically and thanked the old busybodies for what I can only call their concern, but in that case I regretted not saying more.
I'm afraid women have been subject to this helpful kind of harassment for generations: no one would dream of stopping a man in a parking lot and demanding to know why he hasn't locked his door, nor interrupting a stranger trimming his hedge to inform him that he has no security system, and is therefore placing his wife and family at risk, even if he is. I don't want to be rude, but I want these people to know, without the above lengthy explanation, that I would prefer they didn't bother me. "Thank you, I'm fine" might work. "Do I know you?" is the best suggestion I've had so far, but I'm open to others.
Maybe I should.
I'm not going to get into details, but when I shop, I occasionally walk away from my cart to get things. This is deliberate and considered, the act of an experienced shopper rather than a beginner. Because of a host of factors both psychological and historical that I won't go into, I have my own system of protecting my purse involving staying alert, making eye contact with people nearby, and not presenting a target (not to mention buckling my purse securely into my basket). I'm not saying it's better than constantly holding it clutched to my bosom, but it has worked flawlessly for me for over thirty five years, and among other things allows me the freedom to step away from my basket for a moment, depending on what else is happening in the store around me. I realize this is not what conventional wisdom recommends, but what I do has always worked for me, and for the longest time, amazingly, nobody has seemed to mind. Certainly no one would consider walking up to me and, without preamble, lecturing me on how I should treat my own things. But in the last five years perfect strangers have been doing just that, as though suddenly consumed by this new discovery that sometimes people steal purses.
The problem I'm talking about is not perfectly polite people who have said "I'm concerned for your purse", but people who, without even an attempt to be polite, start telling a perfect stranger how to act. What disturbs me most is the stern and imperious tone of these strangers, very absent of any air of helpfulness, but very much in the manner of people who will be quite offended if they don't see a marked improvement demonstrated forthwith.
A woman behind me in the checkout line got positively adamant because I was standing in front of my cart while paying my grocery bill, my poor little bag left helpless to her critical eye, and interrupted my transaction for a lengthy slice of her mind. "I could steal your purse!" she scolded me, loudly. Now, as I already knew, this was very much not the case, as she was blocked by several carts behind her, and me in front of her. I realize that if I'd told her this she'd have said that wasn't her point - but I rather wonder why it wasn't.
To quote an extreme example, last fall in North Carolina a pair of old biddies sidled up to me in an aisle and *hissed* their warning at me. Yes, hissed: embarrassingly audible by the only other person in the aisle: a black man, who was in fact across the aisle shopping next to my purse. He was in a leg cast, had a large dressing over one eye, and was obviously post-op. I looked at him apologetically and thanked the old busybodies for what I can only call their concern, but in that case I regretted not saying more.
I'm afraid women have been subject to this helpful kind of harassment for generations: no one would dream of stopping a man in a parking lot and demanding to know why he hasn't locked his door, nor interrupting a stranger trimming his hedge to inform him that he has no security system, and is therefore placing his wife and family at risk, even if he is. I don't want to be rude, but I want these people to know, without the above lengthy explanation, that I would prefer they didn't bother me. "Thank you, I'm fine" might work. "Do I know you?" is the best suggestion I've had so far, but I'm open to others.
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no subject
Date: 2011-07-01 06:16 pm (UTC)